The Power of Thank You

The power of Thank You!

I have been quiet for a while, my family needed my attention. Doesn’t mean I am not just as committed to running and raising money for Stand Up 2 Cancer, just needed to take a brief detour. But I learned a big lesson during this time, brought sharply into focus just this week. The power of “thank you”.

Last weekend Gill participated in the first ever Unified Track meet with Special Olympics and Alaska State High School sports. His acceptance as part of the team and opportunity to participate at the state level has given him such a boost of confidence and level of self-acceptance, put a spark back in him. I was so grateful for the positive impact of this experience. Gill hadn’t spoken words of self-loathing or desire for suicide in weeks. I know preparing for state competition had a lot to do with that. It was amazing.

I was so overwhelmed with gratitude for the change I saw in him. I needed to let those who made this possible for him know how much I appreciate their gift to my son. I wrote an email. One I sent to the head coach of his track team, the other coaches didn’t have emails posted on the team website. Another email I sent to the local rep for Special Olympics. I told them just how grateful I am for the opportunity.

I typed the emails pouring all of my gratitude and appreciation into them. I gave a little bit of Gill’s story, his journey getting to that point. The pain of bullying, desire for death, feeling of not belonging. Not all the gory details, but just enough so they could understand why I was so grateful. I sent the emails off never imagining what would happen next.

The next day I got a call from the CEO of Special Olympics of Alaska, he had gotten the email I sent to the local rep. Jim was calling to thank me for my email. He felt inspired to work harder to get more inclusion sport opportunities in the schools. He told me he had shared it with the head of all Special Olympics, Tim Shriver. Mr. Shiver wanted my permission to use my letter in some promotional material. I said yes, if they thought it would help expand the inclusion program… How could I say no?

I also got a call from the principal at my son’s school, he had somehow gotten a copy of the email I sent to the coaches. He wanted my permission to share my email with the Superintendent and School Board. To support these amazing coaches and promote more inclusion programs… again I said yes.

Friday afternoon I got a call, from Tim Shriver. He wanted to thank me for my letter and tell me of the impact it had. He had passed it on to others within Special Olympics International. It had made an impact as far away as India, inspiring more work and dedication even that far away. He forwarded an email from another person who had just lost a friend to suicide. It had helped them.

I sent a thank you, just wishing to express my gratitude to those who had made a positive impact on my family. Somehow my simple expression of gratefulness and gratitude became so much bigger. Rippled out beyond my tiny email, inspiring and impacting others. These people are thanking me, for thanking them. I have been asked to speak at an event for Special Olympics next month, I am not sure I understand how all that happened.

But I have learned the power of thank you. I learned that thanking someone helps them know when they are on the right track, making a difference. Can give them strength to carry on when things seem tough. Tomorrow say thank you to someone, a deep heartfelt thank you.  It doesn’t matter who or what it is for, just stop completely and say thank you. We take each other for granted so often, when we are appreciated it can change our whole outlook.

 

38:40

Another bib for my collection

So the other day I rambled on about how slow I am. Today can we talk about how FAST I am? I so rock! Can you do the happy dance and type? Just how embarrassed are my children going to be when all I can say to everyone for the next 48 hours is. “I PR’d this weekend” “I killed my run” “I shaved 2 minutes off my time”



If you couldn’t tell I killed my 5k today, shaving 2 minutes off my personal record. Which means I finally ran UNDER 40 minutes. Now I do realize by Olympic standards I am still slow. But by my standard, I am AWESOME!!

I know that I will be riding a high on this for the rest of the weekend. Maybe I won’t tell everyone I see. But I will post it and blog about it. And if anyone asks what I did this weekend, I say fair game.



Recovery yum!

I did something I have never done before. I exceeded my limits. I say that is worth bragging about. I know my bib must come off. But is it bad form to stay in my tights and skirt? What is the etiquette for running gear in public when the race is over?



Virtual Runs

When you first start running all the beginner articles and books tell you to sign up for a race. Give yourself a goal, something to aspire to. Good advice, goals are important.

I seem to bail on myself a lot. If time is short and I have to choose between doing for me or doing for someone else... I get stood up. Sure fire way to stick to running? Run for charity. Race for charity. Good plan.

So I have a goal, I have a plan. I will run at least one race a month every month for 2013. I will run every local Empire Cup race I am in town for. I will donate $1 a mile for every mile raced to Stand Up 2 Cancer.

I live in Alaska, racing isn't big here in January or February. Nordic skiing is, but I am so not coordinated enough. Maybe I will share my nordictrak accident one day, but probably not. So what to do?

Virtual Runs to the rescue. Some have a nominal fee, I always choose the ones where a portion goes to charity, if there is a medal too....... I am so there. There are also the free ones, 5kAnywhere anyone? I think these virtual runs may be slightly addictive.   I have 3 on my plate over the next month, not to mention the local runs. This weekend I am running the 2nd Annual Anywhere5k and the Bunny Hop 10k, there is still time to register for either one. Both sites have more runs coming up too.

I am finding my race calendar is filling up fast. The next two months have me racing every weekend. I think I might have doubled up a couple too. I am going to need more room for my bibs and bling.

Have a great weekend! Enjoy the run!

Diary entry of a slow runner

I am a tortoise. Yep, that's me, old slow and carrying extra baggage.

I seem to be having my nose rubbed in my slowness lately. First, coming in last at the race last week. This week the track runners sprinting past me. The walkers haven't lapped me... yet, but I am sure some have gotten close. It is hard not to feel a little demoralized.

Here I am running regularly since November, with a pace I would be embarrassed to post for any runner to see. I have not lost a stinking ounce, despite cleaning up my diet and watching my portions. Despite my best efforts my last set of labs were worse than the previous and I am spend more time at the doctor than I do at the salon. Ugh! Enough to make a person grumpy.

I watch a little longer... one of those runners that beat me in the race ran a mile less than I did. She only beat me my a few seconds. So maybe if we ran the same race I could have beat her. The gaggle pushing past me at the track? They need regular water and walk breaks, I can run an hour without stopping. Drink on the run.  The lady sprinter? She is awesome for a lap, then she huffs and puff walking for 5.

There are those that out run me, not going to lie. But it is nice to know that there are a few hares out there too. I am doing better than I realize at first. Will the weight loss come? Will the doctor visits slow? I don't know. But I know today, I am good with how I run. I don't suck as much as I originally thought.

Don't get me wrong, I want to be faster. I want to be hare fast. But I am perfectly happy with slow if it means every step is a run. I am still going forward. And yesterday... I was faster.

Topless Inspiration

I remember going on vacation out of the country I went to the beach with my book. Everywhere was your typical beach activity. I saw this woman a little less in shape than me soaking up the sun, chatting with friends, enjoying the day.  I envied her. I was surprised to find of all the beach bunnies jealous of her. I didn't think she was too fat to be topless, which is exactly what I think of myself. I thought damn, I wish I were that comfortable in my own skin. She was slightly manish, but she was beautiful in her confidence and comfort.

I took my top off that day. I don't know that the sun has ever felt that amazing. It was also the day that planted a seed to start running. We never spoke, I doubt she even noticed me. But she started a change in me I will always be grateful for. I didn't start running right after that. But whenever I felt less, I would think back to her. To the courage she gave me. To the way it felt to lay out in the sun on a public beach.

Since I have started running I have been getting feedback from people. I get odd looks and some sneers from people as they pass me, generally sitting in a vehicle. But in general the feedback is positive, there is even a little awe and admiration. At first that made me very uncomfortable, always waiting for that back hand or the punch line. Then it dawned on me, I am doing something pretty damn amazing. Now I am that woman on the beach.

It is so easy to make excuses not to do things when you are not ideal. Like not sunbathing topless because you are not a supermodel. Or not running because you are not a born athlete. But when an average Joe or Jane is out there doing what we are too scared to try.... that is awesome, that is inspiring.

I hear excuses from loved ones all the time about why they can't or won't ever run. Sometimes I want to call them out on it. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. What matters is how it feels, and it feels amazing once you get past the initial shock of doing it. Once you stop thinking about all the reasons you shouldn't do it, and embrace the sun.

I can't run because...

               My knees - Actually studies have shown running slows the progression of arthritis. Maybe bare foot running is out, although I haven't given up the fantasy yet.

               No time - You forgot we are friends on facebook. I know you spend hours catching up on tv shows you never heard of til you saw it on someone else post about it.

               Too out of shape - how do you propose to fix that on the sofa? The C25K program is available in app form now, you wouldn't even have to put down the iphone.

 I would never run because...

               Not athletic - How long have we known each other? I trip over lint. When athletically challenged finally makes the dictionary, my picture will be right there.

               No clowns chasing me - I can borrow Ivan's big shoes, my nose turns red in the cold, I would love to wear a flower that squirts lemonade. I will chase you, all you had to do was ask.

               Too hard - So is blood sugar monitoring and insulin shots. Heart attacks are tough too. Ectomies and chemo can be a real bitch I hear.

Flannagan's Run

Starting Line!

It was a cold morning, the temp at my house was a balmy 15⁰, but at least it wasn’t snowing. I ate pizza last night so my carbs were loaded. Ok, I know for a 5 mile run carbo loading isn’t needed. But hey, any justification for pizza.

I tried to loosen up and get ready. But mornings for me, they really aren’t my friend. I didn’t take my torsemide, last thing I needed was to need to pee mid-way through. My house is next door to the glacier so it tends to be one of the colder places to be. Luckily the race was in Douglas, one of the warmer, so it was 31⁰. Even better fortune, there was no wind!

The last time I ran this race 4 years ago it was a third up hill and a third down. With the fresh snow fall yesterday, I was really nervous. They changed the course this year, whether because of the fresh snowfall or something else I don’t know. I can say at first I was happy.

I walked several laps around the block to warm up. I can’t say it worked terrible well. But I wasn’t frozen either. So it worked some.



Got my toe up to the back of the pack and started off. I ran down the street and back toward the beach, still no wind thankfully. Back into the woods, down the trail and up the hill. Three loops through the woods up the hill. Then back to the finish line. I ran, it wasn’t pretty, it wasn’t fast. But I ran. I started dead last, it was a choice. I passed a girl on the hill and stayed ahead, so I wasn’t dead last anymore.

Funny thing happened as I closed on the finish line. That girl I passed was walking with her buddy ahead of me. She must have skipped the third time up the hill. They would sprint up ahead every time I closed in. Her friend was so very high school about it too, snarky looks and whispering best left behind in middle school. They did beat me by a few seconds. I wouldn’t have cared but the attitude annoyed me, so did the cheating.

I realize this isn’t a big “race” and she was only cheating herself. Blah, blah, blah. In all honesty they were half my age they should have beat me. I was pretty sure I was going to come in last before I got there. After all it is a snowy winter day, not a race most newbies would show up for. But to be beaten like that? Childish and cheating? Ugh!

But I finished, I did it. I ran! There are those who asked why the 5 mile run when there was a 1 mile option? Because cancer is an endurance race not a sprint. My sister doesn’t get to say, I only feel like fighting a miles worth. She and others like her are in for the long haul, they don’t get to turn back and walk home. DNF is acceptable. So even if I walk, collapse or crawl. I cannot quit. I will not quit.

Added a name to my racing jersey today

This last Sunday I got an email from the IT Manager of my work informing us that he is taking a 90 day leave of absence to deal with his Pancreatic Cancer. Now I really don't know what the pancreas is or what it even does for certain. But I get the gist of Cancer. It Sucks!

I think of all the dreams I had growing up. I think about all those things I still want to accomplish. My dreams for my children, their dreams and goals. What my grandbabies want to be when they grow up. Guess what? Odds are greater we will get cancer than accomplish those things.

I call BS, I say F* Cancer!

I added Dave's name to my racing jersey today. I am my sister's runner, but that doesn't mean I don't run for my brothers too.  On the right side of my blog is a big orange button that says "donate now". Don't push it yet. That button will take you to a fundraising page for My Sister's Runner team. No money goes to me or through me, it is all directly sent to Stand Up 2 Cancer. For a donation of $25 I will put the name of whomever you would like to honor on my racing jersey for the whole year. I am attaching ribbons with the names to the back, so I can wash without dorking up the names. I am also hoping to grab attention for cancer research by looking like a superhero with all these mini capes flapping in the wind.

Still don't push yet. There is another option. You can join the team. Run where you are. Run races to raise awareness for cancer research. Design a page and get others to donate if you would like. Or donate per training mile and racing mile. Do what your heart and pocket book allow.

Ok, push it now! Still thinking? I have 2 sons, 4 daughters, 3 sisters, a mother, father and husband. 2 of the men and 3 of the women in my life will get cancer. My sister and mother already have.

1:2 men

1:3 women

 

Running with chronic ___________

So I have started this post a couple times. But I always shut it down before I get too far in. I keep feeling like either a jerk or a martyr. But I really want to put out there what it is like to get off your bum when you are not a born athlete and you have a strike or two against you in the body department.

I don't think I am a great authority on the subject. I certainly have not crossed a finish line with stage 4 cancer, or run a marathon on my hands. I am not that incredible or inspiring, I am truly humbled by those who are.

I love this man, don't know who he is. But he is awesome!

But what I am is a work in progress. Incredibly human with a body flawed by disease, diet, and lifestyle. I am bound and determined to change all that, but I am finding that it can be more of a struggle than I had planned. I also think there are more mortals out there like me, struggling to break bad habits and embrace our own inner greatness.

I really feel like I have no excuse not to try. Yes, I live with chronic pain and fatigue. Yes, I have less than perfect kidney function and take 3 pills a day to keep my blood pressure in a normal range. BUT I don't have cancer, I am not on dialysis, I am not bed ridden, I am not dying today. And guess what, the best way to avoid all those things is to get off my butt and change my lifestyle and diet. (I repeat this paragraph to myself regularly. I tend to need regular kicks in the bum.)

I love to run. I love the way it feels after the second mile in, when everything shuts off. I struggle with starting the first mile. I have a tendency to let my aches and pains get in the way. The cold weather is really hard, I am so stiff and sore. Treadmill? Forget it, I get so bored that it becomes physically painful, weird I know.

I keep thinking I can catch up on the weekends. Problem is Saturday is grocery day. By the time I am done with that I am exhausted. 3-4 hours of combat shopping wears a girl out. Sunday forget it. It is all I can do to get dressed and make dinner before everyone comes over.

But I learned something this week. As I went on my impromptu trail run. Training Plans/Schedules like treadmills suck. At least for me. Instead of doing less than the scheduled run I skip if I can't do it all in the time I have available. Sometimes my time availability is dictated by the clock, by my family needs but most often by what my body can handle. So I am tossing out the training plan. I am replacing it with my plan, for the next few weeks I will run 30 min a day 3 days a week, and 60 minutes on weekend. Weekend runs will be tossed aside for races however.

One size doesn't fit all. Maybe this post didn't end up so much about my aches and pains. Never fear, I am sure that those posts will be just as plentiful here.

Meanwhile I will continue to rack up miles because... I don't have cancer. But someone I love does.

Trail Running

My house from the trail last spring

Last night I did it, I took my first tentative strides of the year toward off road adventure of the year. I went trail running. To be honest in the interest of staying upright there was a fair amount of walking.

It started off as any regular week night run. Dega and I trotting along in some freshly fallen slush. Next thing I know my crazy feet are taking me to the banks of the Mendenhall River in the shade of the Tongass National Forest. The slush gave the trail a bit more traction than a few days ago. The previous rain and freeze had left the packed snow more suitable for bum skating than running.

Did you know you can get a cramp in the arch of your foot? I didn't before, but thanks to the mini "potholes" in the snow now I do. The trail was very lumpy and bumpy with just enough slick to make this terminal klutz question whether it might not be better to just slide home on my bum. Dega could channel his inner sled dog.

While I did not do the mileage I had planned, I think I did the time. Not sure somewhere along the run my Garmin ran out of juice. I think it may be a bit early for this girl to be a regular on the trails, I really can't afford to be sidelined because I have delusions of athletic prowess. I committed to run a race every month in 2013 for cancer, for my sister.  

I think my downfall was seeing all these great spring postings. Amazing views pumping up the joys of a trail run. I felt inspired. Excited. I am fortunate enough to live in a National Forest, seriously on two sides of my yard there are signs marking the boundary. There are paths that connect to the trails on both sides. I cannot tell you how cool it was to come out of the trees into my back yard. It was like being a little kid again descending from the "woods" of the vacant lot next door.

While I may not be hitting the trail again tonight, I think I may be hitting them again sooner than later. I live in an amazing place. I have the luxury of having trails right outside my door. Who wouldn't want to run them? Besides, Dega doesn't have to be on leash back there. Just gotta watch out for black bears. Ahh Spring can't come too soon.  

Middle aged running partner

When you get to be my age runners fit into generally one of two groups

#1 Lifetime Athletes - This group has run 5 days a week since high school. They rack up mileage like my kids stream data. They have a 10k pr that looks more like my 5k.

#2 Runfors - This group is more common. They run for the bathroom, for the buffet, for the sales table. This is also that group that I am a former member of, think I still have my membership card.  

So what is a relative newbie like myself to do? I had a running partner for a bit, but our schedules stopped meshing.

I found a new running partner, Dega, my dog. He doesn't expect me to hold an intelligent conversation. There are no awkward silences while I try and catch my breath.  That leash around my waist keeps him from out distancing me, or putting me into cardiac arrest trying to keep up. At the end of a tiring long run I can always count on him to pull me home.

He does want to stop a lot when we head out, but the leash works there too. I keep it short and keep moving. He is learning potty breaks are when he is off leash at home. I think I might keep the leash even if I find a human running partner... hmm

Calendars, races & goals

I love filling up my monthly calendar with races. I feel so accomplished and athletic. Who would have thought?

Last month there was only one local race and I was slated to be out of town, so I signed up for 3 virtual races. Not just one, but 3 and I ran them all. Picked up some new bling and bibs.  While I may not have racked up huge mileage, I did rack up some major self esteem points.

Funny thing happened while I was filling my March calendar. I discovered that the cut and color I have been waiting 3 months for, it is the same day as a race. So like any busy self aware woman, I had to make a choice. Sadly, my hair got waitlisted and my roots will have to make do with L'Oreal for another 3 months. But a girl's gotta run. Who wouldn't rather run 5 miles uphill?

There may not be any bling races this month. But I will be running my first race over a 5k for the year. I will also be running my first non-virtual (dare I say real life) race. I did run the Les Williams Memorial 5k in January, awesome, with others. But it had a virtual component, what with all those amazing people across the globe running and walking with us. I hope they have a old parent section for the 10k. It is a fundraiser for the track team and I am worried about getting trampled.

I am terribly ambitious, so I have set 3 goals for myself.

#1 Finish

#2 Don't finish last

#3 PR

 

March Line Up

3/16 Flannigan Run 5 miles

3/23 Anywhere5k

3/31 TMHS Glacier 10k

 

February Donation and Highlight

End of another month. Time to make that donation to Stand Up2 Cancer.

I ran 31.07 miles this month for cancer. I donate $.50 for each training mile and $1 for each race mile. Thanks to running 3 5k races this month I have 9.3 miles of race miles bringing the total due to $20.18, gotta round it up. February donation is $21.00

May not look like a lot yet, but I figure by the end of the year I will have donated more than if I just wrote a check today. I will also have reduced my personal risk of cancer in the process, regular exercise and proper diet are awesome cancer preventers. I love the power of fighting back, even in a small way.

I scheduled to run Kyle's Krusade virtual 5k while I was in Washington at my sister's place. I wanted to run for her while I was with her. I really wanted her to know I am committed to this, to her, and not just lip service. Before we left I printed off my racing bib and packed it with some safety pins. The day we were leaving Billy's amazing cousin Mona gifted me with a pink scarf for wear when I race. She made it just for me and my cancer races, so beautiful.

The day of the race came I felt a little self conscious, or maybe a lot. I was in an area I don't know, with more hills than home and more traffic too. I waffled on putting on the bib and the scarf, I mean it is a virtual race no one else is running with me. My sister will think I am incredibly weird wearing tights, bright pink scarf and a piece of paper pinned to my chest. Better yet I am going to be wearing this funny outfit running through her neighborhood!



I am My Sister's Runner, 100% committed to this!

I put on my funny clothes bright ruffle scarf and racing bib. I walked to the end of the driveway. Set my Garmin... And I raced.



My Bib & Scarf. Beautiful!

What I learned that day is what other people think doesn't matter. Giving all to my commitment does, and whether I race alone or in a pack I race for my sister. Next time you see someone running down the road with a piece of paper pinned to their chest they are racing, take a moment to cheer them on. We racers like the encouragement.

 

 

 

Balancing Act

Changing up my training again. This is my first week of Triathlon training. I will be continuing the 10k training as well, just adding in beginning swimming and cycling. I will be adding to my cancer contributions as well, training money for bike miles and swim meters.

All these training plans brings me to the realization I need to learn to manage my time better. So many hats to wear: wife, mother, employee, athlete and woman. I need all of them to feel whole, I just need to learn how to balance them so no one feels shorted including me.

I learned the hard way this past year that training is vital to my well being. When we brought Addie home I stopped training. She was too little to leave home with the boys. The boys weren't ready to be babysitters. When the fishing season was over Billy was the stay at home parent, not his bliss and I needed to be there to support him in the evenings. My health deteriorated and so did my self worth.

A year later and I am just climbing out of the frumpy dumps. I know that I need to train and move to be the best me I can. And my family deserves that. My children need me to set an example of healthy living full of veggies and exercise. Billy is coming out of retirement for the year, getting a boost doing what he does best. Although he is an awesome fisherman too.

I can go to bed earlier and get up earlier, swim before work. Family night at the pool on Fridays. Bike after work, when the roads clear a bit more family bike rides would be awesome. After all the point is to finish the triathlon, so any biking is better than none.

But my runs, those will still be just for me. After all we all deserve a little time alone.

Semi Nude

No GPS yesterday, cloudy skies, wind and just being in Alaska. Living in paradise has its price. So I ran and guessed distance. I did get my time.

I was pretty tight and stiff, what usually happens when I run in the morning instead of evening. I pulled my glute a while back and it really gave me fits while I ran. So I came home feeling slow and a bit dejected. Definitely a sluggish run.

NOT

I plugged in my route and found out I went farther than I thought and ran faster too. Maybe all my long runs should be run naked. I am ten steps closer to breaking 13.

New Bling, Happy Runner

I am such a girl, and I love it. I love clothes, shoes, jewelry and shopping. Been a great week for all.

Running has become such a part of who I am, that even my need for a retail therapy pick me up centers around it. This last week was long and draining. Doctor and family visits, no one gets away from that whole. So I needed a little retail boost.

I found a Brooks Outlet store in Seattle, my first time in a running store. I was able to pick up a bra and skirt for a price that didn’t put too much of a dent in my pocket book. Love clearance racks. Today I got my Chilly Cheeks finisher medal in the mail. I love my new bling, super cool. I wonder if it goes with a skirt and go go boots?

I think I might need a medal hangar soon. That will need to wait for another therapy day. Life is good as a Sister Runner.

 

 

Travel won't stop the race schedule

I ran my 5k this weekend for Kyle's Krusade. I was not going to let travel, doctor or family visits keep me from my race schedule. I made a commitment to run at least one race a month for Stand up 2 Cancer. I will do this.

I ran in Port Orchard, not at all familiar with the area, but I headed out with my Garmin and made it happen. More hills than I have run on, but I conserves my energy and paced myself. I finished extremely strong, which tells me that I am stronger than I thought.

More training tomorrow, I have stayed right on track. I will make my mileage this week. That rocks!

Shall I tri?

So I went to the doctor Friday, the whole reason for even coming to Seattle. I have been dreading this appointment, afraid the doctor would tell me they need to run more tests before they can figure out what to do. Things have been steadily getting worse over the last year and a half. The only thing that has kept me remotely sane the last few months is running, I hurt sitting on the sofa or lying in bed might as well run. I celebrated pulling my hamstring because it was something I did by running, not just my body quitting on me. After fatigue no amount of rest can kick, migraines, and pains akin to really bad flu, self-inflicted wounds are a welcome badge of honor.

The appointment did not start well. I got there late and didn’t check in at the right spot. If I wasn’t a basket case before, after all that running around the hospital I certainly was. Lots of questions and going over my history, a little bit of poking and prodding. “’Does this hurt?’ umm it sure doesn’t feel good.” Then comes the end of the consult where the doctor tells me he needs to see the results from my kidney biopsy a few years back. And he needs to get new blood work, because the tests he needs to see I haven’t had run since 2009. All the while my heart is sinking deeper in my chest. I just flew 3,000 miles to go home with jack of a solution.

He looked me in the eye and said, “I can fix you”. It was the most wonderful thing he could say. He need to do more testing just to know if there are things to keep an eye on for the future. But for what I am dealing with now, whether it is just Sjogren’s or if I have Lupus too. The treatment is the same. I am not being sent home empty handed. I am being sent home with a solution, and the medication is not too bad. Side effects are pretty minimal and within a month I should be feeling better.

“I can fix you” that is the most beautiful thing a doctor can say. I cannot express the weight that was lifted off me when he said that. I do not have to keep fighting with my body, we can become a team, heart mind and body.

Does this mean I tri? When the race calendar for Juneau came out for this year I noticed there was a sprint triathlon on it. Not knowing what that was I looked it up and thought gee that might be doable, and I want to do it. I posted it on Facebook looking to see if anyone was interested. Dead silence, nothing. Then one night I was talking to my daughter and she told me she was training to do it with me. I am thinking holy buckets, I haven’t started. I don’t even know if I can do this, everyday it feels like another part of my body is shutting down.

I decided if I could get help from the doctor I would do it, a way to take my body back from disease. Because let’s face is call it whatever you like, disorder disease or syndrome. At the end of the day these autoimmune things are vampires sucking the life out of you. Nephritic Syndrome and Sjogren’s Syndrome just happen to be the vampires feeding off me. Well I got the good news, the doctor is getting me some garlic and holy water, may not have a stake. But I am taking my life back, I am going to be the wife, mom and woman my family deserves. I am doing a Tri in August. Swimming, Biking and Running. The run I go nailed. The other two I know how to do, I just need to get strong enough to do it. And I will. Because I have a doctor that can fix me.

Training plans ???

No running today. I planned ahead for the travel and ran yesterday. I am sticking to this 10k training plan. But if it doesn’t get me on the road more than 3 days a week soon, I may bag it. There is a 10k March 30^th I plan to run, and I really want to finish strong. Which is why I am doing this training. But I feel like it may be not a good fit for me. I really am itching to get more miles in. On the flip side I am pushing myself harder when I do get to run.

Maybe as a newbie I am not ready for the formal training plan. I am still impressed I can keep one foot pounding in front of the other for up to an hour at a time, ok the hour I have only done once. But still impressive. I get a thrill from that forward momentum, why should I limit myself to 3 days a week at a distance of some plan. Honestly my last 2 runs were longer because I couldn’t run for less than 30 minutes.

Or possibly more likely is my distaste of rules and structure. Maybe that is why I waited until after 40 to run my first mile, ever. Quite possibly the key to the plan is to use it to push me. Post the rules knowing I will have to break them. I can’t do less because running is making me feel whole. So I must do more. Which leads me to doing more than I ever thought I could…

To be fair this is only week 2 of the training plan, so it remains to be seen what my feelings will be further into the plan. It is a beginner plan, maybe it was written for someone with less than 3 months of steady running under their tights. But I am certainly not intermediate, even my fantasies won’t embrace that.

So I will keep you posted. But please feel free to give me some input as to your own training plan experience. I am running solo here, and often can get lost in my own head. While the garden is beautiful, the weeds tend to take over from time to time.

I AM A RUNNER, PERIOD.

So often I will say I am a runner but: but, but, but. But every once in a while there comes a moment where there is no but. I am a runner, period.

This week it came in a moment while preparing for my trip to Seattle. My first concern? Even before I scheduled my doctor's appointment I was scoping out the local racing calendar. Signed up for a virtual race because I could find a local one. Mental packing list started, only items on it? Running gear clothes, shoes, racing bib, headphones, Garmin.

My next thought?  Can a squeeze in a trip to an actual running store? How would be so amazing to go through a store with nothing but running stuff. See those things I have only seen online. Is there a running store next to the commercial fishing store? Billy has his priorities too.

My priorities are definitely on the run.  I am really looking forward to running outside. The track has gotten very boring. But can't run on ice in the dark. So until the days get a little longer or the paths a little clearer here at home the track is the place to be.

I have to say this transition from the bleachers to the field is amazing. I feel so good about the road I am on. The things my body is able to do, funny how many impossible things are possible once we stop making excuses.

Being enough

Yes, yes, yes!! I had to share this, it is so part of what drives me. It is funny how we let momentary discomfort stop us from being a lifetime better. Not just in running or not running. Healthy Eating or fast food. But in how we give or don’t give of ourselves.

I am not much of a joiner, I have never shaken that just don’t fit in feeling. I have never felt like I had enough to offer. Not that I didn’t have something, just was never sure it was enough. There are always those who are happy to help me feel that way too.

What I am starting to realize is it doesn’t have to be enough for someone else. It just has to be enough for me. Funny thing is the more uncomfortable or awkward I feel doing something. The better I feel about myself when I am done.

I may not be the fastest runner, or even able to go incredible distances today. I may not be the best fundraiser either. But I am getting better at both every day. I am inspired to run farther so I can give more. I would regret doing less.

I am Wonder Woman

When I was in school there was this girl, I don't know her name we weren't in the same grade. But I remember her even today. Every day she would find an empty spot on the playground, stretch out her arms, and spin. While she spun you could hear a quiet "Wonder Woman ba-da-bup-bup-ba-da-ba". As kids we didn't appreciate her. Didn't see the magic in what she did. In those moments she was a superhero and the rest of us didn't exist, we didn't matter. She was whole and embraced who she was and in those moments she was Wonder Woman.

After years of wanting to feel that way, embrace myself and be enough. Be my own super hero. I have found it, that moment of inner peace and acceptance. I feel that when I run. I feel so good in my skin, good about who I am. I feel like Wonder Woman, on my cool down I strut like a runway model I swear. I am the sexiest woman in the world. I know it!

I realize the reality is I probably bare a closer resemblance to Fat Momma than Wonder Woman. But that is ok, Fat Momma is pretty awesome too. But it doesn't matter what everyone on the outside sees. I know who and what I am.

So if you happen to see me running down the road no need to get your eyes checked. In that moment I really am a superhero with the stride of a gazelle.

Start a blog miss a run

Isn’t that just the way. Had to go into work and get a little grocery shopping done. By the time those chores were done I was painfully exhausted. Ugh, I hate when I get dropped like that. Timing couldn’t be worse. Here I am trying to write a motivational, everyone can do it blog… And I get sidelined.

I skipped my Saturday run. It was just a 2 miler, and I have a 4 miler on Sunday, today. So I don’t feel like a total slacker. I will do the 4 miles, that is the trade off for missing the 2. I have to remind myself you can’t take the day off from cancer.

I am going to Seattle this week to see the Rheumatologist. Hopefully we can get a handle on this, the time between bad days is getting shorter. There is a part of me that is excited to get a handle on this. Then there is the part that is a bit nervous about they won’t be able to help. I need to get my head around this, and accept even if it doesn’t work I need to suck it up. I will keep running.

1 in 2 men will get cancer in their lifetime. That means one of my boys. How do I choose?

1 in 3 women. Got one of my sisters, and odds are it will get at least one of my daughters.

This is not acceptable to me. I will not take it lying down, or sitting on my butt. I don’t know why anyone would want to. My children deserve the very best and a world without cancer is the best.

That worked. I got my 4 miles in, ran the whole way too. That is huge for me, think that is the furthest I have run ever without a walk break. I need to get on the yoga, try to loosen and strengthen all those muscles that like to tighten up on me.

Billy is my bra. Sounds funny I know, don’t know that he understood the compliment either. When I think support, that one item above all that gives me the support and lift I need. It would be my bra. Because let’s face it, without it we are talking muscle pulls the kind you can’t stretch out. After all night of listening to me moan and groan, whimpering because stuff was achy. He got up the morning and pushed me out the door. He made it ok for me to go run. In the past he wanted me to take it easy, not hurt myself. It really seems he understands that running makes me feel better, even if it is just in my head. He supports me getting out there and doing it. Even if it means more whimpering at night, or a minor hamstring pull. He is there to be my Jiminy Cricket and push me out the door. I love him for that. So he is my bra, maybe not the greatest compliment to some, but to a runner wannabe like me… it is the biggest one I got.

Run for something

Running for a reason

 

 

I started running in 2011. Kind of. My world was in total chaos and I wanted to do something for someone else. Anyone else. I needed to not be me. I got a post card in the mail inviting me to take part in Team in Training for LLS. I signed up. I wasn’t really sure what I was getting into. I trained, but not as much as I wanted to or even should have.

I was never an athlete, I was always the clumsy one. Last one picked for everything. I always quit before it got too tough. My training was a bit like that. I didn’t quit, I didn’t give up. But I didn’t give in to the run all the way either. I didn’t leave it all on the track as it were. I raised the money, or my husband donated most of it. I finished the Rock n Roll half in Seattle. But I didn’t run as much as I dreamed. Self-sabotage, quit on me before my body did. I loved it, somewhere around mile 5 my brain shut off. All that chatter and self doubt went away, all the pain of the past year didn’t exist. I found the runner’s high and I liked it. Strange considering I walked half the half.

I knew I wanted to keep going, get better. But I also knew I couldn’t just do it for me. I quit on me. I needed to do it for something else. Then I learned about Team Challenge for CCFA. I have a younger sister with Crohn’s Disease, perfect fit. Signed up and started planning for the Vegas Rock n Roll. Then came Addie, beautiful grand baby in need of a home. She came to live with us. Training came to a halt. I couldn’t justify going for a run after being away from her all day. I did run in Vegas, not very good. Dehydration was icky, my kidney function was wonky. Stress fracture. Not too good.

I was grounded for 2012. Wanted to be home after work for my family. My body has gone through several flare phases, fatigue and body pains. So very exhausted and achy. So no running still. Then I realized I hurt anyway, whether I sit on the sofa or run. Why not run? But then it is just about me, and how do I take myself away from the family?

Fast forward to a few months ago, and lots of failed attempts to get back running. CANCER is back. My big sister’s cancer that is. I can’t cure cancer, not anymore than I can cure Crohn’s. But I can run, kind of. I can try to raise money too. But I can give my money too. So here I am running, not even kind of, real running. I have dedicated 2013 to kicking cancer’s can. I am donating $1 for every mile I race and $.50 for every mile I train to Stand Up 2 Cancer. Maybe it is just dollars and pennies, but it will rack up. So are my miles.

It is working too. Running for a reason is really working for me. I have managed to get at least 3 days of running in a week. I am starting a 10k training program and I am right on point. In fact I can actually run for a half hour without stopping. I have never in my life done that. The other day I actually ran through a cramp. I didn’t give up on me. I can’t. I have to do this for JoAnne. I can’t let her down, can’t be a quitter. Not this time.  I run for something.

Today is just a 2 miler, but it is a good day to run

 

 

 

 

My New Gear

My shirts came in! So excited. The buttons are very retro 80's. I had to wear one today, I was very jazzed.

How I got here

I am Theresa. I am a mom, wife and sister. My kidneys have not been perfect since 1993, but it has been manageable. I take my medicine and things are pretty stable. In 2010 it got a little shaky. Things were not so stable anymore. I even became borderline diabetic, borderline because I got my dr to postpone meds for 6 months. I got on a strict clean eating diet and regular workout routine. Dropped almost 100lbs and got all my numbers back in check. I was also diagnosed with Sjogren’s Syndrome. Ugh, really can there be anymore?

My younger sister has Crohn’s Disease, it is a crappy disease. She is definitely sicker than me. In December of 2011 I ran in Vegas to raise money for the Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation. I was not much of a runner and my body wasn’t in tip top shape. But honestly it wasn’t about me. It was about her, couldn’t cure her but I could run.

2012 I didn’t do much, we became the proud parents of a beautiful grand daughter. And babies take time, she needed me home not running after work. So I thought. My body started getting out of whack again. First time I learned that Sjogren’s is a lot more of a bum kicker than just dry eyes.

Speed up to today. My older sister has cancer. It is back. I can’t cure her either, but I can run. I can raise money for the smart people that can cure her. I have a little kidney disease and an autoimmune problem. But those things won’t kill me. Not if I eat right and get my butt in shape. I don’t have cancer. So I am my Sister’s Runner, because I can run for her. I can do this little bit to make a difference.